Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Do you ever feel like your in a rainstorm and you'll never see the end of the rainbow? 

That's how I've been feeling the last few months.  Our Ward has seen a lot of change recently.  I counted in my head this morning the amount of families that have moved from our neighborhood in the last 18 months and the count is over 15!  About 3 weeks ago I had just about had it.  I had the opportunity to visit with friends who've been gone for a year or so and then finding out that good friends would be indeed moving onto "bigger and better".  And the kick in the pants was that our awesome Bishop would be moving as well.  I literally had a melt down at church, tears and boogers are not pretty on any adult.  Things just didn't feel right.  All this change was making me frustrated, uneasy.  Like, are we suppose to move too?  But that just wasn't the answer.  Then I had the feeling that maybe I should prepare Brent for a change in his calling?  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but change was coming to our family, I just didn't know in what form.  Until last Monday.  We got a call from the Stake requesting an interview with Brent.  Brent was extended to the call to be the First Counselor in the new Bishopric.  I have to say that we were extremely relieved that he wouldn't be the new Bishop.  Counselor, now that's totally do-able.  It was hard keeping quiet this whole week.  Not being able to say things to close friends, or when the subject came up in conversation was very difficult. 

We were blessed to have family there to support Brent Sunday afternoon.  The Ward new something was up when the whole Stake Presidency was on the stand.  Lucky for us, Brent is always in a suit so that didn't give anything away. What probably did, was the amount of family present.  But what ev., family is important and we are grateful for their support. 

I was overcome with emotion as they called his name and asked for him to take his place on the stand.  The tears began to flow as the realization of seeing him each Sunday on the stand and not sitting next to our children set in.  The Lord prepared me for this day.  I felt it coming, that's what all the unrest was for.  I knew he would be called, I just didn't know in what capacity.  As I sat listening to his Testimony and the testimonies of the other men and their wives, and despite being alone with my children every Sunday, I finally felt at peace.  This was the change that was coming to our family.

I know that things wont always be easy.  I'm not ignorant or naive about that fact.  But what does bring me comfort is the peace that I felt yesterday and the peace that I feel today.  The Lord has prepared my husband for this new calling and along the way he has also prepared us as a family.  I know this calling with make us stretch and grow as a family, which I welcome with open arms.  I'm ready for the Lord to continue to mold us into the people he wants us to be. 

I know what the end of the rainbow looks like.  Even though it's not a pot of gold, the blessings will be priceless.

Ahhhhhh, Education Week

I have been attending Education Week for the past 5 years. This was the first year that I went for longer then just the evening classes. Jaren was also able to participate this year. I had been hyping it up to him all year. I don't think it disappointed. Every time we'd drop Garrick off, he'd tell me all about his favorite classes and quotes he heard. Education Week has been a life changing experience for me. I hope it can be for him as well.

The many positive changes that have happened in my life are due to Education Week. It's hard not letting the spirit of Christ touch your life when you become filled to the brim.  Education Week taught me that the reason my children act out at me, is due to the fact that they know I love them and will always love them.  My relationship with my husband was GREATLY improved due to a marriage class taught by the amazing Merillee Boyack.  I gained a Testimony of Pres. Monson in one of Scott Anderson's classes.  I understood how to speak frankly with my growing children from Brad Wilcox.  I understood that my body is a beautiful gift given to me of a loving Heavenly Father that should be cherished not shunned, and I need to show gratitude for that gift by nurturing it -- that was from Bro. Bartholomew.

This year was no different.  The difference with this year, is I went in hoping to receive answer to a few questions.  The spirit didn't disappoint.

For years and years and years I have been all consumed with my weight and losing it.  I have put effort after effort after effort in the persuit of my  "perfect" self.  Well, I have had it with being all consumed with something that I put some much effort in that does not bring me joy.  No joy in the process of losing weight for me.  I have to go to extremes to lose it and it just hurts my spirit.  So I asked myself, there has to be something else that I can put my whole heart and effort into that will bring me joy.  And I got my answer.

Merrillee Boyack asked us what our idea was of a "perfect" sister.  Of course you know the typical answer to that question: Organized, fit -- due to hrs dedicated to working out, pristine home, perfect children - she never yells at them, always put together in super cute clothes, studies her scriptures for 1 hr each day, has all her photos scrapbooked -- who even does this anymore? , gardens, is a gourmet cook, and is always in the "mood". And the list goes on.  Merrillee said she wanted to kill this woman because she doesn't exist.  Then she asked a very powerful question; What of these qualities will get you into heaven?  Then she proceeded to say something that was very profound to me.

 She said, "One of the only things that matters most in this life is how much you've loved."  

I hate to have to admit such a thing as this, but I haven't loved my children as much as they have deserved.

It doesn't matter how much I weigh, or how many calories I've counted, or hours of exercise I've commited to, or if I'm a size 10, 8 or 2.  None of these things are required to enter into the kingdom of God.  What does matter is how much I have loved my children, how much I have loved my husband, how much I've loved God enough to serve on his behalf.

I have lost so many years putting all my effort in the wrong place.  My relationship with my children, teaching them the gospel, making sure they are well cared for, have a testimony, that they love and want to serve one another was set on the back burner all in the name of weight loss.  I've thrown away so many years thinking of myself and trying to conform to what the "world" says I should look like.  What the world says I should eat, how much I should exercise, what size pants I should fit into, and my perfect BMI.  Well you know what I have to say to that, to hell with it all.

My main focus in life now is to pray for my children.  To pray to understand who they are as individuals so that I can in turn help them through this crazy journey called life.  No more do I pray for help to lose weight.  Nuh-uh.  All I want is to find Joy, true Joy in my posterity. I can't do that if I feel like they are constantly getting in the way of me, and my worldly weight loss goals.

I understand that this may seem deep and a bit drastic.  I'm not throwing my health out the door.  Not by a long shot.  I completely value my life and understand the importance of proper nutrition and exercise.  I will continue my pursuit of understanding the Word of Wisdom and incorporating that and finding Joy in a variety of exercises including walking,running,biking and hiking.  After all, I can't take care of my family if I don't take care of myself first.

It is such a relief to not have to worry and being all consumed about my weight.  Life is too short to worry about such trivial things.  I'm angry that I've wasted so many years.  But I'm not going to look back any more.  I'm just going to start looking forward to growing closer to my children. 

I told you...

I was full of mixed emotions. Today was the first day of school. It went better then I imagined it would go. THANK HEAVENS for that. I got Jaren off to early morning Seminary. Hence no pictures of him. It wasn't the first thing on my mind at 6:45am. I just wanted to make sure he was on time.

Next to go was Hannah, she is the one that I fretted about the most. Last year, the first month of school just about killed the both of us.  It was overwhelming for her.  Having to juggle early mornings, getting to know 5 individual teachers and the homework they handed out, and trying to live up to friend's expectations resulted in screaming fests at home.  For a while there, I thought I'd never be able to stay in the same room with her for an extended period of time. Giving even the appearance of a look on my face would set her off.   But, with a lot of prayer, patients, cross country, and time, things finally got better.  I helped her curl her hair and she was as happy as a lark.  Even though I proclaimed that I would no longer be helping the girls in this department.  I made an exception for the very first day of school. 

And here she is, Miss Hannah

Such a pretty little thing.

And a huge change from the very first day of school last year.  

If I remember correctly, there was a refusal to even give me a smile. 

Amazing what 1 year will do for a child.

The other kids were up and ready to go an hour and half before Elementary started.  There wasn't too much drama in that department either.  Everyone had already picked out their outfits the night before.  Everyone was showered and dressed and waiting anxiously to get out the door. 

Mr. Beckham.

Displaying the "Wood" smile. 

Miss Isabel.

I too, helped her do her hair for the very first day of school.

My twins.  I can finally call them that now.  I know they have their own identity and are comfortable with that.  

Miss Annika

Her shinning new clothes gave her great confidence this morning.

Thanks Grandma Penny and Grandpa Rick for your generosity.

 

Oh the Joy of the first day of school.

 

Of course, no  first day of school is complete with out these two photos.  

Grandma Penny

Where do the emotions come in you ask?  In addition to relief, I found myself a little bit sad.  As I was walking away from the school I realized that none of my children really needed to me drop them off at their classes.  Once those doors were open they were off.  Confidence reigned supreme.  Which is something I should be grateful for, and I am.  By all means.  I guess it's just a gentle reminder that my children are, year after year, growing independent of me.  I am still grateful that I am a stay at home Mom that has the opportunity to walk them that very first day.  Maybe, just maybe, that's what gives them their confidence.  As I walked back up the catwalk I had to chock back tears.  I hoped that I have armed my children with proper principles to help them get through these up and down dog days of life.

The house is quiet.  Grace is entertained by a new container of playdough and the ever popular Alice in Wonderland movie.  Soon, she too will be off to preschool.  One can only hope that I wont be too much of a hot mess when that day comes. After all, I've been waiting for this moment for 15 years.

The walk to Bridal Veil Falls

I use to call this a hike. But let's be honest, there's nothing about the trail from the parking lot to the falls that screams "hike".  The trail is paved and anyone of any age can take a leisure stroll.   We still love pounding the pavement every year.  The beauty of living near the mountains, even during a hot summer, is the relief of cool mornings.  We still need to wear jackets since we go so early.  It makes me ache for fall and the time when my daily outfit consists of a sweatshirt and jeans.  Soon, sister, soon. 

I forget every year how much I love driving up the canyon and soaking in the grandeur of our Mountains.  It seems the only time I make it up the canyon is to continue this yearly tradition of hiking to the Falls.  Note to self, next year remember to take your kids more often! 

Alleah and Grace still having to watch from the side lines as the older kids brave the cold water and attempt to get as high up the falls before my bum begins to tingle and I yell for them to retreat!!

Jaren, not afraid of anything 

 

Hannah is now officially 13, a teenager.

What the cus? 

If I make it through the next, oh 4 years, it will be a miracle.

 

These cute girls still have their sweet disposition.

Isabel asked me the other day, "Mom, will I act like Hannah when I am her age?  Because I don't want to!!"  Bless you child, bless you.

Group shot.

School begins next week.  I have mixed emotions.  Elation makes the top of my short list.  Another emotion I have is regret.  I regret not doing more fun things with my children.  I regret all the fighting and the reason behind my elation in school starting.  I keep trying to remind myself that kids naturally think of themselves and naturally quarrel, fight, bicker, nag, and murmur. I have a hard time not feeling like a failure as a mother when my children are at each others throats.  Isn't it my job to help them NOT fight.  Isn't it my job to teach them to love and serve one another?  That, my friends,  is easier said then done.  Apparently I haven't done a good enough job at that.  But I hope and pray that I still have time to iron out the wrinkles.  My first and foremost responsibility is to be a mother.  I am committed to do a better job, to pray more for my children, to go to the Temple not just for me, but for them, to have hard conversations, to encourage, and most of all to love them for who they are at this very moment, gnashing teeth and all.

She has two speeds...

Lightening Fast 

OR 

Fast Asleep

 

This baby girl of mine goes and goes and goes and goes all day long.  She can barely slow down to eat her meals.  I've never had a kid who plays as hard or as long as this one.  Grace is happiest outside playing with her many neighbor friends.  To the point of annoyance.  When the day is done and it's time to come inside many tears are shed and boogers that need wiping.  It's tough being 4 years old, living a carefree life of play, laughing, and just plain living it up every day. 

In a few short weeks school begins.  And Grace will be joining the ranks of pre-school.  And not one that I have to participate in, thank the heavens for that.  So 3 times a week I will have 2 blessed hours to myself to do what ever the cuss I want.  What AM I going to do with all that time?  I'll tell you one things for sure, I'm going to enjoy the quiet and prepare myself for the controlled chaos that happens at 3:20pm every day that school is in.

Balloon Fest 2012

This year the Balloon Fest was exceptionally good. We got there early enough to watch all the balloons fill. It seemed as though there were a lot of balloons too.  As they all began to go up, it was exhilirating walking through the maze of difference colors, feel the flame on your face and be in awe at the ginormity of it all.

I'm pretty sure I had more fun than the kids did.  I remember going to the balloons when I was a kid.  It seems as though this part of the Freedom Festival gets better and better every year.  This is one of the reasons why I love traditions so much.  They conjure up so many memories and emotions.  Some memories are more fond then others, and yet, they are still connected to the tradition. 

Sweet Annika

Super Cute Cousins.

The night before I made all our headbands.  Don't we look good?

Beckham

The large balloons made him a little nervous.

Isabel

She didn't want to walk through the balloons.  She wanted to watch the Smoky the Bear go up.

Grace and Hannah

We look so small compared to the balloon!!

One of my favorite parts about this whole event, is looking inside the balloons.  There's something whimsical and magical about the inside of a hot air balloon.  It makes me want to be 7 again, crawl in with an armful of fairy barbies and play for hours.

The photos are always so much more dramatic when there are clouds to break up the blue sky.

The awesome flame breathing life into this balloon.

Jaren was tortured by this activity of walking around.

When does the complaining end?