The Story of My Happiness

A few months after moving into our newly built house, I gave birth to my 5th child.  My children, to that point all came to me in a matter of 6 years.  In that amount of time I lost my identity.  I became a robot Mom, with really the only emotions that I expressed freely were frustration and anger.  I found that I was yelling, A LOT.  I allowed the television to be my baby-sitter.  I took a lot of self pity upon myself.  Because strangers told me,  I believed that my hands were too full.  How could I do anything with my hands that full?  I had no yard to throw my kids into.  A new house means a yard left to the weeds.  I'm pretty sure I had some postpartum depression to boot.   At the time I didn't know that's what I was going through. In addition to that, I HATED, I mean HATED going to church.  I got nothing out of it.  How could I when all I did was try to keep my children quiet.  With the only example they had at home was a yelling screaming Mom to teach them how to behave. Not good. 

My first tender mercy were my sweet sweet visiting teachers.  Who, still to this day, are some of my good friends!  They came every month and formed genuine friendships with me.  Both are amazing women who were full of love and desire to help.  Another tender mercy was a neighbor who had just about as many children as I did.  I'm not going to lie, it was helpful and a burden at the same time.  The last thing I needed was more children at my house!  But her encouragement helped me find my own voice again. 

About a year after Beckham was born I started to lose weight.  I knew for sure my weight loss would bring me happiness.  At the same time I started jogging, and playing soccer and even joined a Book Club.  All of these things were great outlets for me and would for sure bring me happiness.

After Running a 5k and being told that I was a Ninja Goal Keeper, and successfully losing some weight,  I still felt empty inside.  I even vocalized this out loud to a friend.  "Even after all these accomplishments, why don't I feel happy?"  There was something missing from my life, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. All I wanted was to be HAPPY.

My friend Melissa started asking me to go to Education Week with her.  That was a game changer for me.  I'm pretty sure that my life started to change after attending a few classes at Education Week. It was there at Education Week that my religion started to play a greater role in my life. 

For a long long time I didn't believe that Heavenly Father cared about me and my problems.  That my problems weren't worth his time.  I didn't believe in the power of prayer.  Why would I pray to a God who didn't care about me.  But every where I turned people told me that Prayer was Essential. 

I didn't realize it at the time, but as I look back I understand what it was I was doing.  I started setting spiritual goals for myself.  Spiritual goals that led me to be more obedient the principles and doctrines of the gospel.  I knew I wasn't happy.  I wasn't Happy as a Wife, as a Mother, and definitely not happy with me.

I started putting Faith into action.  I started praying, reading my scriptures, holding family home evening, attending the Temple.  I began to change myself.  I tried desperately to lower my voice.  I tried to speak loving words to my kids.  Of course I wasn't always successful %100 of the time.  But at least I was making a valiant effort.  I started seeing the good things that my husband did, instead of dwelling on all the things that bugged the crap out of me. 

A few years ago I was introduced again to the 12 Step Program that is offered through the LDS church.  It too, changed my life.  I haven't worked myself all the way through that book, but I have come leaps and bounds from where I was.

In addition to going to Education Week I started attending an Institute Class.  Which was and is amazing and continued to change me, change my nature, change my heart. 

I began to fill the seems of my daily life with Conference Talks.  While I would fold laundry, or clean my room, or while doing the dishes I would listen to the Prophet and Apostles.  Again, a game changer. 

While sitting in Sunday School a few weeks ago we were talking about Obedience and the blessings that come from being obedient.  As I sat there and listened, the spirit quietly whispered to me, YOU ARE HAPPY.  Something that I have been praying for, working for, and hoping for had finally come to fruition.  The emptiness that I had inside, that seemed as deep as a black hole, had finally been filled with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  And all because of my ordinary acts of obedience.  It really was the small and simple things that made the biggest difference in my life. 

As I sat and pondered all that prompting meant to me, I realized that my life is at this moment, over flowing with happiness.  I am happy as a Mom.  At times my kids still fight and I still have to be the referee, mediator, and sooth sayer.  But I understand how to handle it now.  I see my children as blessings and not obstacles. 

I have never in my whole married life been more in love with my husband.  I ache to be with him, and love being in his presence.  Which makes it so much easier to support him in his calling, for some strange reason.  I told Brent that this too, is a blessing from being obedient.  He agreed whole heartedly. 

And most of all, I am finally happy with who I am.  And you know what, I'm not skinny either.  Becoming skinny, does not make you happy.  I finally figured out what was most important in life and am starting to let go of the unimportant.  Of course I still make a valiant effort to eat healthy and exercise.  And that's all that's asked of me. 

I completely understand that I am living on a Peak right now, breathing deeply, taking in all the good I see.  I'm sure at any moment I could slide off that peak and land in a dark valley.  But at least I understand what true happiness feels like.  It took me 7 years to get me where I'm at, right at this moment.  I am so grateful that God never gave up on me.  That he sent people to me and gave me experiences that helped my faith to grow.

The gospel of Jesus Christ changed my heart, changed my nature, gave me Happiness. 

 

An Article about My Dad

I wanted to share this article that was featured on Forbes Website.  It's about my Dad and his weight loss.  I am so proud of my Dad and the efforts that he's putting in to change his life.  I know that as he continues to lose weight, his life will become more rewarding.  He has a lot of support around him, especially my Mom.  She was so excited this past Monday to tell me that she and my Dad had gone on a bike ride.  Good Job Dad!!!  Keep it up!  We are all so proud of you.
Article about my Dad's Weight Loss

Annual Spring Photo with Psquared

For over 9 years now, the kids have been taking a spring photo with my Mom. I really should start gathering them up into one folder, like the bench photos.

Well, the photos turned out really fun this year.  I love doing jumping photos, still.  I am always amazed at how high my Mom can jump.  It's all that Cross-fit she does.  I also love how graceful Hannah looks.  Like it's nothing at all for her to jump up in the air.
We had to cram in a lot this year on Easter Weekend.  I had just gotten home from Virginia.  For days in a row we were doing something with either the Wood side or Weiss side of the family.  I'm not going to lie, it was exhausting.  But Easter season isn't the same without all these great traditions. 
And just for the sake of next year,  2013 Easter Sunday was spent with the Woods'.

The Bench

Here's the bench picture for this year. Man, everyone is getting so big. Once upon a time they were all able to fit on the bench. That time has now past. I now have a son who has a learner's permit, a daughter about to turn 14, twins who are now 12 which makes the total children attending Mutual to 4.  Beckham who is as happy as ever.  And then Grace, who will always be my baby but continues to grow like a weed.

I wasn't feeling well this morning and slept in a lot longer then I normally do.  Grace also wasn't feeling well and we both got up at about the same time.  She climbed into bed with me and with excitement on her face asked me, "Is Dad downstairs?"  I told her he was at work.  She then asked me, "When will Dad be 'out of work'".  You know, like the kids are "out of school".  I told her that he wont ever be.  A little disappointed she then said, "Well at least he's home on Sundays."  Bless that sweet girls heart.  She loves her Dad, and so do I.  I miss him during the day and sigh a big relief when I hear the garage door open and shut and watch his dirty self walk into the kitchen. 

UP

A few weeks ago Grace wanted to watch Disney/Pixar's UP.  There are several reasons why I love this movie.  One, Mr. Fredericksen looks just like my Grandpa Edwards.  Memories of my Grandfather flood my mind when I watch this movie.  I love that. Two, the hero of the movie is an OLD MAN!  That is awesome.

Most of the time when a movie is on I only catch glimses.  Come on, I'm off doing other things like chores and Mom stuff.  The part that I absorbed this time was towards the end.  Mr. Fredericksen has had it with all the things getting in his way of Paradise Falls.  Russell, Kevin, and Doug just to name a few.  As he sits down in his chair he pulls out his wife's book of adventures.  At first he thinks it hasn't gone past when she was a youth.  But as the page slides open, he sees that she has scrapped the adventure of their life together.  Mr. Fredericksen then realizes what is most important.  And Paradise Falls isn't it.

To get to Russell, Kevin and Doug,  Mr. Fredricksen starts dumping all the un-important items from his home so the remaing balloons can take his house UP.  What a metaphor for life:

Once I realized that my children were the most important thing to me, and not an obstacle, I started letting go of all the un-important things.  Like being obsessed with the perfect body, the perfect house, becoming like the neighbor who I thought was perfect.  I started focusing on those things that bring me UP.  Like the gospel of Jesus Christ, reading scriptures with my children - No Matter What, having regular FHE, talking lovingly about their Dad, encouraging them to serve and pray for one another. 

What a beautiful message.

In the end of the movie Mr. Fredericksen helps save Kevin, adopts Doug, brings Russell home and is there to award him is medal.  The the best part, they sit on the street corner, eat ice cream and count the cars.  Like Russell recalled, it's the simple things that matter most. 

As mundane as motherhood is, it's the simple things that I hope my kids remember most.  That I helped them do their hair in the morning for school, that I made sure they had a good breakfast, that we laugh at Dad when he tells us his bits of wisdom as we gather for evening prayer,  those times when Dad would blare his music as Mom is trying to put everyone to bed and it turns into a huge dance party.

If you haven't watched UP in a while, you should.

 

Metaphors for Life

The past few weeks I've been having so many experiences with my children.  Watching shows, hearing phrases, listening to songs, and having conversations that give more meaning to my life.  Even though the mundane things in life are important, the mundane is my job.  I wanted to start documenting, here, these experiences that I've been having.  Some of them are easy, some of them are funny, and some of them are difficult.  When my children look back at this blog, if it's still around in the floating clouds up there, I want them to know that life is real and is meant to be lived and experienced.  Times in life aren't always easy, it's not suppose to be.  But I also want my kids to see that we got through every type of terrain in our family.

Our other big adventure on my trip to Virginia was to a state park called Sky Meadows. I loved every minute of ut. The hour car ride through the Virginia countryside was enchanting. I kept thinking in my mind how amazing it would be during the spring, summer or fall. I am just grateful for the opportunity to explore one of my sisters most favorite places on planet earth.
The great thing about our time spent there, was the fact that it was in off season and we pretty much had the place to ourselves.  I LOVE going to places in the off season.

It was fun to meander along the trail with my sister and her children and to see their very distinct personalities come out.  Asher truly moves at a glacier pace.  Soren is kind and encouraging, and Maeve points out all the magic around her.  

It was fun to capture my sisters life with her kids.  She is constantly documenting their life through a lens.  Something that I admire and hope to be better at this year.

The trail going up.  I was left to my own devises and hiked up to those trees you see.

The trail looking down upon the countryside.  Apparently I didn't go all the way.  But I was satisfied with what my eyes beheld.

Can you just imagine how specatular this place would be in full spring and autumn?  It would probably take my breath away.

Luckily for us, this was the warmest day of the entire week.  We soaked up the sun and 

the blue blue sky!

While I hiked the kids played amongst these trees and rocks and their imaginations went WILD!

These kids are lucky to have such a stellar Mom in my sister!  

Me and Maeve "Papiope"

I had so much fun trying to get her to say her middle name, and my name for that matter.

This stubborn little thang would not budge from this  rocking chair.  I even threatened to leave.  With my own children this tactic worked like a charm.  Not with this little one.  Even when I was out of view, she stayed put.  We were by ourselves after leaving Jessica to do a bit of balancing on a small rock wall with the boys.  As I took Maeve away from her family she reached back toward them and explained, "Help me Mom, I'm in trouble!"  Really?

Probably the icing on the cake for me was being able to talk with my sister to and from our destinaton