Thanksgiving Musings

This Thanksgiving I have much to be grateful for.  I love my marriage.  Brent makes me laugh every single day, almost.  He loves me for who I am and even sees me for the potential that I have.  I am grateful for his counsel and his simple love.  I love being a mother.  I'm not going to lie, some days are complete hell.  But in the quiet of the night when I go to bed and find a note written to me by a remorseful daughter that expresses apologies and love, I am grateful I kept my cool.  I'm grateful that I heeded every prompting I was given to have all my children.  Most of all I am grateful for my testimony of Christ.  Over the past year it has grown immensely.  It has changed me.  It gives me strength and direction.  The more time I spend in the scriptures, the more I feel of the love that He and God has for me.  That feeling of love brings me peace. 
There are things that I still struggle with.  Some struggles are new, as my children get older and become more independent and vocal about their opinions.  And some struggles are old, and I feel like they will never leave me.  None the less I am grateful for my struggles too.  They keep me humble, and on my knees pleading for help. 
There are a great many people that I am grateful for.  My Mom, she's an amazing person who keeps going and going like the energizer bunny.  My Dad, he has an incredible creative talent.  My sister, her generosity and loving compliments give me joy.  Snefalie, I am grateful she always remembers to call me. All my in-laws, we have such a great relationship and I am blessed to be apart of their family.  Friends, who accept me and all my short comings.  I have but a few friends. I choose to surround myself with Amazing women.  They inspire me to be better, they make me think, and they encourage me to be the best I can.
No matter what, Life is Good.  Life is what you Make. So make the best of it! 

Halloween, Super Low Key

This year my kids costumes were super low key. Everyone made home made "silk screen" t-shirts with Grandma Penny. They had a lot of fun coming up with their own designs and making them all their own.  The only ones to have a "real" costume were Grace and Jaren.  Grace cuz I had everything for it and she's still need to experience halloween like everyone else has.  And jaren cuz he came up with his all on his own.  Of course I did eye-make up.  I didn't have the right tools to apply to make-up, but it was fun to experiment.  My girls really didn't let me go all crazy either.  Or else I would have. 

Hannah's "iron man" Eye

Isabel's "costume" Eye

Annika's "Super Girl" Eye

Isabel just wanted a shirt that said costume on it. 

This is the saddest Super Girl I've ever seen.

Annika had a super rough morning.  Mostly because of her cranky fussy fuss face Mother.

HULK SMASH!!

Cruella De-Ville

The whole gang came over later on that evening for trick or treating.  I made sugar cookies, hot chocolate and butter beer in celebration.  It was good times.  We love getting together with family when ever possible. 

Cruella has caught her dalmation!!

How cute is that?

When Grace would tell people what she was going to be, she wouldn't just say it, she's sing it!

Beckham wasn't digging the Hulk costume anymore. He slapped together a hunch back.

My attempt at a "fun" Halloween decoration.

Glowing water balloons.  

I didn't get to see what they looked like in the dead of night.   Just as we were starting to go around the neighborhood to trick or treat, I starting having some kind of an attack.  I could barely make it back to the house.  I took some meds and had to lay super still in bed.  My mom sat with me for a minute which I am grateful for.  After everyone else got back Brent and his brother and Dad gave me a blessing.  After about 15 minutes I could get up off the bed and gather downstairs.  Kelli took care of the drinks.  I was so bummed that I missed out on so much.  I didn't think I cared about Halloween, but when you put so much work into it, and miss it because of illness, it is disappointing.  I think I had another kidney stone or something.  So stupid.  I'm much better now.  Nothing that green smoothies and salads and veggies can't cure. 

Slenderman

Whatever that is?

Grandma Clown

My Mom was in town this year.  She's usually in VA visiting my sister.

PumpkinLand

Some new wonderful friends of ours, Danniey and her boys Calvin and Linus invited us to go with their pre-school group to PumpkinLand. I was excited for the invitation.  I use to take my kids all over the place when they were younger.  Grace doesn't seem to have the same luxury, stuck at home while Mom is busy with other duties and responsibilities.   I was glad for the opportunity to take Grace on a pre-school outing.   At first it was just going to be the 5 of us, and the morning of Danniey informed me that her husband and bro-in-law would be joining us.  The more the merrier.  We all crammed into the ghetto green van.  It was cold in the morning but lucky for us it warmed up. 

Grace playing around with the squash.

 There were some very impressive pumpkins!

Danniey and Linus

Calvin and Grace

At first the excursion was a tad disappointing.  Tons and tons of other pre-schools and schools were swarming the playground and pumpkin patches.  I was quickly reminded of why my children and I were the first ones on scene and the first ones to leave.  We finally found the "wonder"land.  Places for the kids to crawl, and jump, climb and discover animals that bite.  After a little while we found the corn maze.  We were the only ones there and it was awesome.  Grace discovered that if you followed the headless monster, you could find your way out. 

We all packed lunches and by the time it was lunch all the other school had excited and we had the place almost to ourselves.  Grace and Calvin were able to play freely on the playground and we adult had fun chatting and eating our juvenile lunch of pb & j.  

Payson Temple October 29th, 2012

October was freakishly warm! I think we had rain maybe 2 or 3 days the entire month.  I remember as a kid it always rained on Halloween.  Not this year.   We might have set a record for the warmest Halloween in Utah history hitting a whopping 75 degrees.  No jackets necessary this year. 
October was a fast month.  We had family pictures taken on Brent's side of the family.  We enjoyed the mountains and the changing colors.  The colors always seem to come and go so quickly!  They never last long enough for me.  Costco opened up, which is huge!  It's going to be so nice having that in my own little town instead of having to drive 30 minutes north! I just hope I can practice some restraint and not spend more money then is necessary.  I actually stopped by there to pick up some milk, and that's all I purchased.  The lady helping in line even asked me, "Is this all you have, milk?"  I shook my head and said, "yes, just milk." We'll see how often that happens. And of course there was Halloween.  A holiday that is probably the least favorite of mine, but a favorite of the kids.  I hate coming up with costumes, spending money on candy,  and the sick tummy's as a result of sugar overload. 

It's hard timing the sunset and getting a good photo.  

The kids still had some make-up on from visiting Grandpa Weiss' Halloween Work Party. 

Is there much difference from last month?  

This month the kids insisted on waiting for Brent so he could join us.  It was an even faster trip then last month.  We didn't talk about the Temple.  Which I regret.  I wanted to, but just didn't speak up about it.  It was a mad rush getting out of the 'burb and another rush getting in.  As I looked at the Temple for a few seconds I wondered if there was even any change, has it gotten taller?  Well, I had to go back and compare photos, and indeed it has changed.  It's going to be so fun to compare all the photos when the Temple is finally completed.  

There are some things that are going to change as we continue this activity.  I am going to insist on talking about some aspect of the Temple while driving to and from the Temple site.  When I go to take the picture with my kids I am going to have them stand from Oldest to Youngest so we can make not of any height changes.  

Again, I want the Temple to be as important to my children as it is to me. 

Vampires and Undead

This year I decided to make carving pumpkins a bit easier on myself. Instead of tediously helping my children prick the flesh of 6 pumpkins to then tediously cut out small shapes to form intricate characters, we made vampires and undead.  Depending on their desired creature, all they had to do was cut out circles or ovals.  Soooo much easier.  The result was FUN.  And it didn't cost me but $1.  The pumpkins we grew in the back yard.  The eye balls I made out of ping pong balls.  The idea I got from Martha Stewart.  Jaren was the only to come up with a pattern all his own.  He was excited with his "slender man" pumpkin. 

Our Vampires and Undead sitting next delicate Disney Designs.

All lit up!

Carving with Cousins

Baby Elsie

Too cute not to take a picture of.  Elsie was really fussy when we began to finally carve.  When I was done helping my kids I took her from Kelli to see if I could help her.  Brent usually is the one to whisper to her and get her to go to sleep.  Well, I guess I still have a bit of magic left in my mothering arms cuz I was successful in getting her to fall asleep too.  I rocked her and we sat for a good while.  I missed being able to rock my own babies.  I felt no pangs to have another.  I felt comfort in knowing that my family is complete. 

My stackables with their stackables.

So proud

 

Hannah's Three Eyed Vampire Zombie

In true Hannah style, has to add some kind of disgusting gory touch

Beckham getting his finger eaten by his undead

This year we carved pumpkins at Mike and Donna's.  I made a cheddar broccoli soup to contribute to dinner.  I wondered why I was bringing anything since I knew everyone would go for Donna's home made chicken noodle soup.  Well, I was right, they all had Grandma's soup.  But my cheddar broccoli soup was actually really good this time.  So good in fact that I think Mike had at least 4 bowl fulls.  He came into the living and declared, "Amberlyn, did I tell you how outstanding your soup is?"  I laughed and said no.  

If any year snuck up on me and caught me by surprise, it's this year.  I feel so unprepared for all the traditions that take place this time of year.  I feel the pressure to make sure that my children feel gratitude during Thanksgiving, and to feel of the spirit of Christ and love during Christmas.  I felt as though last year lacked some how.  I feel as though I need to make up for that.  I need to lose myself in serving my family.  I am still caught up in my own very personal, very real struggles.  I think I need to start focusing elsewhere.  I know I mentioned this a few months ago.  But really putting it into action is different then just proclaiming it.  

My holidays will be what I make them out to be. 

Photo Shoot

I'm not going to lie, I was not excited about getting my photo taken. Brent's side of the family needed a new family photo. I was not thrilled by the prospect. The main reason for my timidness is that I'm not super happy with how I look these days. But I girded my loins and went forward with the planning. The photographer and I went out the day before to find the perfect spot. It was a beautiful place to take photos. Despite my chubs, I think our photos turned out lovely.

I love this man!

While the others were getting their photos taken by the professional, I snapped these shots of my kids.

I really really loved how this turned out!!

We're always like this

Crazy, noisy and out of control!

I also loved this photo!

As I was getting dressed for this excursion I literally teared up with how disappointed I was with my chubs.  Then my girls were so kind and kept telling me how pretty I looked. I had to give myself a pep talk.  There are certain things in life that you have little control over.  Like your thyroid going crazy.  I found out the Monday after these were taken that my thyroid needs help and has been a contributor to my weight gain.  I'm not excited that there is something wrong with me, but at the same time I am relieved.  Relieved to know that there is something that I can get help with.  I started taking medication, exercising regularly, and eating lots of vegetables and I hope to find some relief in the near future.  I realized once again that I have to take control of my health.  The reason for that is in these pictures.  My family is everything to me.  The family shown, and the family not shown.  I want to be there for my children, my husband, my parents, my siblings, my in-laws, my nieces and nephews.  I have let my weight get in the way of my life.  I need to stop doing that.  People need me, and I need them.  

The day Grace went to Preschool

Well, the day finally came for Grace to go to preschool. We had to wait 2 painful weeks after the other kids started before she could go.  Grace was more then ready to start learning and socializing with a teacher and peers.  I was excited to have a little bit of time to myself during the day too.  But to be honest, I sneeze, wipe, and the time is gone.  There's not much time to do anything at all. I've been going back and forth on how to use that time.  I've come to the conclusion that I am going to do things just for me. Feast upon the scriptures, exercise and get ready for the day.  And if there happens to be a few spare minutes, a little bit of cleaning.  I will only get more of this when she starts kindergarten.  I heard someone say the other day that having a child in kindergarten is like a prison sentence.  2.5 hours just isn't enough time to do much of anything.  But I'll take it.  2.5 hrs of a quiet house is better then none.  And 2.5 hrs to do what ever the cus I want, is wonderful.

Miss Kasa

When it was time to pick Grace up, I waited patiently in the van for the other Moms to get out of the way so I could pull up.  I watched Grace as she spilled out of the garage with the other kids.  I didn't even think to get out of the van and walk up to her.  I didn't think it was that big of a deal.  Later on that day Grace asked me this, "Mom, how come you weren't there to pick me up like all the other moms?"  Shoot.  I made sure from that day on to get out of the car and wait for her in the driveway.  It's interesting to see what things are and aren't so important to our children. 

As I walked away from her my emotions once again got the best of me.  My last baby girl took another big step away from me.  That moment was filled with mixed feelings.  Excitement for her and let's not be silly, for me too.  Fear for her, will she be okay.  I only worried about that the first day.  She's eased into this whole pre-school gig with grace and confidence. I can't say that I am lonely, not yet.  There's still not enough time to get lonely or bored!  I felt a little sad too.  Sad that this phase of my life is coming to an end.  The phase where children are always around me every minute of the day, pawing for my attention and help.  I don't believe that sadness will last for long.  It's just a natural progression of motherhood.  I have a feeling, already dealing a bit with teenagers, that I will miss the phase I am leaving because the new one is going to be a lot more emotionally and mentally draining and challenging.  Fixing a scraped knee is a lot easier then fixing a broken heart.