Saddest Face You've Ever Seen

I debated whether or not to post about this event. I came to conclusion that I needed to.  Especially since this blog is like my family history.  I needed to record it while feelings were still fresh and raw.

Monday night Grace was out on the deck with the dog.  We have constantly reminded, but not really disciplined, her about the importance of staying away from Roman's face.  We were constantly on her about not grabbing his back or his face.  I was busy doing homework with the kids and just starting on dinner when I heard Grace scream out.  I looked out the door and saw her bloody face.  I opened the door and immediately looked at Roman and his posture and body language told me he knew that what he had just done was wrong. 

I was PISSED!!!  I was afraid of something like this happening and expressed my concern to Brent several times.  He thought it wasn't the dog, but Grace who needed to be trained up.  We were lucky in that Roman is very docile, allowing Grace to wrestle, tug, pull, push without much complaint.  We just let it all go.  But as Roman got older he became less tolerant, and Grace became more rough.  Now we are suffering the consequence to all of that.

I called Brent with extreme anger in my voice.  I wasn't sure if she needed stitches to begin with, but I wasn't going to take any chances and sped of to the E.R. leaving my other children behind.  The triage nurse checked her out and indeed she needed stitches.  While still in the waiting room Brent called to check on the status, I updated him and he proceeded to tell me that he had called a Vet.  The Vet said that Roman would need to be tested for ear infections or anything else that could potentially be wrong.  After that we would probably have to euthanize him.   As Brent was telling me these words, tears began to well up and the magnitude of the situation became very clear. 

Even though I would not miss the dog, I realized the impact this could potentially have on my other children.  I just couldn't think about that right then since I was dealing with a 4 year old who knew she was going to have to have stitches and this wasn't her first time.  I expressed my desire to have Grace sedated.  Last summer when she was 3 she needed 13 stitches in her forehead from a fall off the tramp.  She does not easily forget things.  It took 3 of us to hold her down while the Doc sewed her up.  That was NOT something I wanted to repeat. 

I bribed Grace to be brave by telling her I would give her $4.  When the time came to give her the shots to  sedate her, again, it took two of us to hold her down while the nurse have her the shots.  It's always astonishing to me how strong little guys can get when they feel threatened or afraid.  It took about 10 minutes for the meds to kick in.  They told me she probably wouldn't remember much. 

Even though she was sedated she could still feel the pain.  I could tell when they gave her the numbing shots, and as they sewed her up.  She was flinch and flex her small body.  I had to l hold her hands down so the nurse could hold her head. At one point as if in slow motion she yelled out, "Moooooom", and "Noooooo".

It was scary to watch her come off of the meds.  That, for me, was probably the hardest part of the Emergency Room experience.  Even though her eyes were open, she didn't recognize me or anything going on around her.  Her body would tense, and then relax.  I kept looking up at the monitor to make sure her heart was still okay.  It was crazy.  Even after she started to recognize me she was flailing her arms, wanting to sit up, but couldn't cuz she had no control.  I held her for a little while which was like holding a squirming caterpillar.  At one point, Grace said in a panicked voice, "I need to go potty.".  I stood her up, but she was walking worse then a drunken sailor.  Legs flailing, body wavering, knees giving out.  It was quite comical. 

Finally she was well enough to take her home.  She struggled to eat the Popsicle they gave her and some how managed to eat it all before we got home. 

Here are some photos I took last night of her little face.

The only time she smiled all day yesterday.  

The only thing that made her happy was her new My Little Pony.

This expression on her face pretty much sums up our day yesterday.

The only way I can describe her is droopy. 

Yesterday I had a friend pick her up from Pre-school since I had a Dr.'s appointment.  Danniey told me that when they saw her Grace made a circular motion with her finger around her face and said, "I don't always look like this."  

Everyone keeps telling me that it could have been far worse.  Even though I agree with that statement I am still angry.  This is my daughter's face.  

Discussing what to do with the dog was another difficult moment.  Most of you know that there is no love lost between me and the dog.  If it were up to me, the dog would have been gone yesterday.  But unfortunately there are 6 other people involved, one of them being my 14 almost 15 year old son.  Have you ever had to deal with a sobbing teenage boy, begging you not to git rid of his "best" friend?  Even my husband cried as he relayed a story when he was 11/12 years old about his favorite cat that he found dead in the road.  People, it was tears and boogers GALORE!!!  My heart goes out to my children who love this manege mutt so much.

Now that emotions aren't so raw, we can really truly begin to discuss what to do.  I'm still so conflicted.