Fruition

My two bald boys!

When you have small children it's hard not to think of the day when they'll all be in school and you'll be left with so much time on your hands. 2 months after moving into this house I gave birth to Beckham, my 5th child. Jaren was only in kindergarten and gone for just 2.5 hrs a day. I remember trying to nurse Beckham in the front room. We struggled since he had thrush and the infection kept going between his mouth and my breast. It was a chore. It took everything in me to sit down and try to nurse. Hence the alone time I was taking in the front room. This particular memory takes place on a Saturday since I remember Brent went golfing. I hadn't heard Isabel and Annika in a while so I thought I better go and check on them. NEVER LEAVE TWIN 3 YEAR OLDS to their own devices. What happens if you do? An emptied fridge of jam, corn tortillas and raw eggs all scrambled together on your new carpet. I was at my whits end. I was in pain, I was in tears, and I was alone. I called Brent in tears begging him to come home. He came home, when his round of golf was over with. It's at those very moments when school days can't come soon enough. Until they finally do, and you wonder what happened to all the time.

Yesterday while at the Library Beckham really wanted to play a game on the computer. Well, it was time to go and I had to pull him away. He was upset. I thought to myself, I'll just bring him more often once shool starts. My next immediate thought was, No you can't, he's going into first grade and will be gone all day long. My emotions soon flooded to the surface and I had to hold back tears, just as I'm recalling those fresh feelings writing this. Baby Beckham is no longer a baby. He's 6 years old and going into first grade. My dreams of all my kids going into school all day has come to fruition. It's harder to cholk then I ever thought it would be.

At this point I start wondering if I did everything I needed to do for my kids. I know time is not completely up with them. But it's quickly slipping away. I need to stop wishing for the future to come more quickly. It's already here. What a great reminder to myself to love and enjoy my children while they are still mine and at home. Not torn away by the ways of the world and peer pressure.

Besides, not all my children are in school yet. I still have Grace to tag along with me every where I go.