What's on my Mind

Right at this moment, with Brent being gone, all I can think about is how much it sucks to have a husband out of town!  He was gone all last week, came home Saturday at 4pm and left again this morning at 6am while I was still in bed.  I should have gotten up with him, but what good would that have done?  I would have gotten cold and unable to fall back to sleep  I miss him already.  Having him home for such a short period of time was torturous.  It would have been better for him to stay away all together.  Okay, maybe not, but it kind of feels like that.  He'll be gone all this week, home for the weekend and then back out again Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of the following week.  SERENITY NOW!!!  The days are a breeze, I do that all by myself.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.  It's the night time that is so rough.  I'm tired, run down, my nerves are shot, and my patience has worn thin.  How do you Women out there whose husbands travel handle it?

This morning as I was walking the recycling out to the garbage I was cursing Brent's name.  Even though it's not his fault.  Sure, he says it's hard on him.  But he goes to a hotel at the end of his day, no responsibility except to... ya that's right,  no one but himself.  Where in I still have to deal with normal life here.  As though vicious thoughts were scrambling through my head I realized that I needed an attitude adjustment.  This week is going to be a week from hell if I don't quickly change my heart.  Yes, it's difficult.  No, it doesn't have to be miserable.  We both are sacrificing, and for the same thing, Family.  It's not going to be any fun for my children if I am a Monster Mom and bite their heads off every time they get on my nerves.

With these thoughts going through my head it's hard to even remember that I'm going to Hawaii in 3 short weeks.  Yes, you read that correctly, Hawaii.  I should be thrilled beyond imagination, but I'm not.  That's how much darkness this whole situation is bringing to my existence. 

To begin I'm going to just start acting like I'm happy and hopefully I will fool my brain into thinking that I truly am happy.  Which I am.  I'm just not in the most ideal situation.  I think I will have to be doing a lot of praying, scripture study, stretching and yoga in the coming weeks.  In the very near future this will all come to pass,  and I will be sitting on a beach, watching the whales migrate, feeling the 80 degree sun on my pale skin, holding the love of my life's hand,  not worrying about a thing(except for my children).


Brent LOVES taking photos.



Still happy after 15 years of marriage.