In a perfect world my children would clean their rooms like I ask. Their beds would be made perfectly, their floors cleaned up and their closets organized, birds would sing just outside the window and it would smell of a clean meadow. This is NOT a fairy tale and I don't live in a perfect world so my children are children thus their rooms are a mess. Is it worth the fight, the nagging and the frustration on my part to have my children have clean rooms? I know it' s important, believe me. But how important is it? Did I have a clean room when I was growing up? Heck NO!!! I know Brent didn't have a clean room growing up either. He reminds me of that every time I vent to him about the state of our children's rooms.
As I walked past their rooms yesterday and saw, once again, a very lived in and loved room. Beds unmade, clothes, blankets, toys and the such all over the floor, knots began to form in my stomach and anger began to creep up my throat. I just about let it escape too. Then the thought came into my mind, " is it worth the anger?" No, it' not. So instead of yelling down the stairs to have them come up and clean their rooms, and chiding them for not having in done, I just shut their doors and walked away. Out of sight, out of mind, right? On a day to day basis I've concluded that it isn't all that important. I will still remind them to make their beds and clean up their floors. If they do it, GREAT!!! I will praise them up and down for being obedient. But I'm not going to be a Nazi Mom about it. In my mind this seems as though I am giving in a little. And you are probably nodding your heads in agreement. But I feel very much at peace about my decision. Their rooms will still get cleaned on Saturdays. I just wont have the same fight an extra 5 days a week.
Did you have a clean room when you were growing up? Be honest.
8 years ago
6 comments:
Do I have a clean room now? lol!
Keep fighting the good fight Amberlyn.
you're doing great!
No, I didn't have a clean room growing up. Not at all. And I don't have a clean house now... But, is that me or the kids? I'm hoping it's the kids. Wow, I just had a revelation; this messy house is not my fault. I'll still keep trying to clean it, but realizing that just took a huge load of guilt off me!
Okay, I digress. I think that having them clean their room once a week is a good solution. And, if in the meantime, they can't find something because of a messy room, maybe that will motivate them to do better. :)
Good on ya Jessica! That would be the Love and Logic way to handle it. My parents made us clean up every weekend. There was no fight, because that's just the way it was.
This is the solution I settled on years ago -- I ignore the rooms during the week, and then on Saturday everyone has to pick up and vacuum. Theoretically, anyway. I don't enforce it so much with the older kids, because they are not as messy as the younger ones.
It is interesting to see kids develop a desire for neatness. It comes slowly and in fits and starts. By the time they are teenagers and have grown out of toys, it's clothes strewn on the floor instead. Once in a while my teens will spontaneously decide to clean up, and I have noticed that when it is their idea to clean, they are better at maintaining the neatness.
Whether it's me or my children, it is easier to keep a room tidy if all possessions have a home. How do I clean off the clutter on my dresser when the reason I put it there in the first place was because I didn't know where else to put it?
Oooh long comment... apparently this is an issue for me... :)
I think chores are less about cleaning and more about responsibility and accountability.
One of the ways we get to teach our children about life and responsibility is thorugh their cleaning assignments at home.
My girls have an easier time learning this lesson than my boys. I struggle with being patient with them- it's such a chore! It's easier to shut the door. But I'm not helping them learn by ignoring it. So I trudge through the entire dramatic ordeal everytime they ask for something.
"Mom, can I go play at _____'s house?"
"I don't know, is your room clean? Your bed made? Your kitchen jobs done? The dog fed?" Etc. I go through each of these and when they answer yes to all the questions- they can go.
The flip side of this is I do not complain how the job is done if they gave it their very best effort. I let them choose how. I do not make them do it my way. And I don't go behind them and check it. I only go back on this if they are dishonest about doing a job or don't give it their best effort- then they no longer have my trust and I have to babysit them with their jobs. But they can earn the trust back.
This is what works best in our home. Every Mom has their own things that work.... you have to find your own way and if cleaning on Saturday is the way it works at your house- than it's perfect for you!
To be honest, yes I did have a clean room. I do remember how ever having boys that rooms were not, one day I was tired of it so I went in Barrett's room and attempyed the task of cleaning the room. I was pretty proud , it looked great. Well til Barrett came home and asked where the bag went that was in the corner. I said I put it in the burn barrell and burned it. Oh my! I got in big trouble, he had been working on his Eagle project and had porrowed some very hold dental products from a friend, like a huge toothbrush, big old porcilen teeth, and other items. They went up in smoke. I had to call our friends and tell him what had happened. He said that's ok, but I can't replace them. Then given strict orders by my husband, I was never to clean the boys room again, just walk away Sandy and close their door. A very hard lesson for me to learn.
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